YOU KNOW...IF YOU'RE GOING TO BROADCAST THE NEWS IN SEATTLE...
...there's this company across the lake called "Microsoft," and they offer a spellchecking product of some sort.
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July 31, 2006
IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE...
He's a stem cell stuck in limbo.
Ah, happier universe indeed. Can I go there, or at least spend a vacation there please?
WOW...NICE WORK.
You see, if the Democrats vote for raising the minimum wage, then they have to cut back the estate tax. (which the Republicans call the "Death Tax" to help confuse people into thinking it applies to everyone - not just the obscenely rich.)
But - if the Dems vote against this bill, they'll be subjected to campaign ads in the mid-term elections about how they voted against minimum wage increases.
I can hear it now, "you say you're for it, but you voted against it -- you're a flipflopper."
It's time for MASS change.
Rise up, people.
FINALLY! SOMETHING DUBYA AND THE HEAD OF IRAN HAVE IN COMMON!
They're both tired of hearing people talk in Mexican, Italian, etc.
By the way, "Elastic Loaves" would be one HELL of a band name.
Thanks to Don(Mark) for the find.
THE TRUTH TO THE STORY IS...
...that Putin's as tired of hearing the acoustic version of "Layla" as we all are.
GEE, WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT...
...that the average Dodge or Chrysler driver wouldn't like being reminded that the company is owned by a German conglomerate? Hmmm...stunner.
Also, maybe it was a bad idea to include both "Dr. Z" (who makes Dave Thomas look like a film celebrity) and the "Hemi guy" in the same ads. Gee, wonder why people were confused as to which character was fictional?
You know, it's too bad. I actually think Dodge has done, over the last couple of years, some of the more impressive marketing in this space. Like the ads or hate them - they found something in their heritage, "Hemi," -- got behind it, and marketing the bejesus outta it.
Obviously, they should've kept it in the Dodge court, rather than trying to extend it.
But, little harm done, Dodge. Go back to what's working. And maybe let Dr. Z worry about running the company now - rather than appearing in the ads.
HAPPY MONDAY EVERYBODY.
July 30, 2006
WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED WILLIAM WALLACE WAS SUCH AN ANTI-SEMITE?
A BETTER RANKING OF CELBRITY STATURE THAN Q SCORES.
Welcome to Celebrity Skin, a site dedicated to selling skin cells, fecal matter and other celebrity DNA material.
If you look below, you'll notice Jack Black's fecal matter is worth almost four times what Gary Busey's is.
That seems about right. Let the cloning begin.
By the way, if you want any of Robin Williams' urine - you better order now. This stuff is going fast.
IT'S OFFICIAL...
Americans are...
literally...
too fat for our own good.
July 29, 2006
FOX FINALLY TAKES A STAND AGAINST FAKE NEWS...
Too bad they didn't do this during the WMD runup.
July 28, 2006
I'VE GOT TWO ISSUES...
1. Poker isn't a sport - so it shouldn't be on ESPN.
2. If you wear sunglasses while playing, that's like being on the juice in baseball - that's cheating man. Take them shades off, and let's see the tell.
(obviously too much hotel room TV watching)
July 26, 2006
YET ANOTHER APG ENTRY THAT'S GOING TO GET PEOPLE RILED UP.
Okay, I have to say something.
There's been a lot of talk at this conference about not using the word "consumers" anymore. Some say we should call them "people." I agree, and have been talking about this for some time.
But - here's a radical thought...is the language of marketing actually more insidious than it is imprecise?
In other words, do we need to use words like "target" and "consumer" -- because the minute we start thinking of them as "people" they won't be fair game anymore? As mere prey for our marketing efforts? Is it this kind of orientation that allows us to ignore the moral and ethical questions that may be bothering a few of us?
This has been on my mind over the last few months, as I see my beloved advertising industry celebrate efforts that conceal their marketing intent towards people. Where we reward efforts like "brand content" and "organic integration" that help us sell our wares without letting people on to the fact that they're being marketed to?
Where we pollute their attention spans and entertainment outlets with an ever-increasing array of "Urban Spam" -- as PSFK put it so well?
Let me be clear - I love marketing -- clever, creative, inventive marketing where the people we're reaching are treated as actual living human beings.
With the respect and dignity that we'd want for ourselves.
Alright - let the angry comments and emails begin. If I'm not called Lenin within the hour, I'll be shocked.
THE TEENS CLAIM SOMEONE NAMED "TIM" GAVE THEM $50 FOR EACH R STOLEN.
DEMOCRACY MAY WELL BE DOOMED.
Washington state (bluer than blue) - has rejected the rights of homosexuals to marry.
YOU KNOW - EVEN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, MADONNA CAN PACK 'EM IN.
Thanks, I'll be here all week! Try the lobster, and don't forget to tip your waiters!
Image from Imnotobsessed.com.
HEZBOLLAH AND ISRAEL STILL AT IT. HERE'S YOUR METAPHOR.
Image courtesy of http://cityrag.blogs.com.
SO LANCE BASS IS GAY.
I know this is raging all over the blogosphere today - and I've been walking around South Beach - but I didn't want to left out.
Since I'm so late, I asked myself, "what could I possibly do that would provide a new take?" And I decided my new take would be this....what follows is the reactions I can imagine of some of my friends when they heard the news. Many of them read this blog, many of you will know who they are...
REACTIONS TO THE NEWS LANCE BASS IS GAY.
Kara: I knew US magazine was onto something.
Britt: I've been quiet about this for months - I have a friend in NYC who knows him quite well.
Cathy: Who?
Tor: Uh...yeah, I know...I can't tell you how I know. Let's just say I do, and leave it at that.
Don: Is that the Marky Mark guy?
Tyler: Shit...where did I leave my passport?
Jennifer: I suspected this since his breakout film of 2001, Zoolander.
Ash: Dude - no kidding - that broke 22 hours ago.
Bonnie: The Tour De France guy? Or: I knew this when he asked to be "added" to my friends.
Rich: Two more drinks down here, PapaSan!
Rob: Well, that makes me more knowledgable than Thomas Edison on a Sudoku binge.
July 25, 2006
SIT DOWN DOCTOR BOB.
Here's the deal...every year I go to the TED conference, which is the most amazing conference ever.
Why so amazing? Because each speaker's got only 18 minutes - amazing speeches that get right to the point. Whether it's the guy who discovered DNA, or the guy who's planning private orbital space flights, or Al Gore revealing An Inconvenient Truth.
So, why can't a speaker at the Account Planning Group conference stick to his 40 minute allotment without going 20 minutes over? I mean, it's not like we're splitting the atom here.
Hey, just asking.
YOU'LL NOTICE THEY EMAILED HIM, RATHER THAN CALLING - DIDN'T WANT TO USE UP THOSE VALUABLE ROAMING MINUTES.
Such courage. This is from today's AdAge.
T-Mobile Yanks Ads From Two FX TV Shows
CEO Says Program Content Is 'Inconsistent With Who We Are'
WASHINGTON (AdAge.com) -- T-mobile CEO Robert Dotson has blasted his own company's media-planning policy and insisted it pull all its ads off Fox's FX-an unusual outburst that seems to signify a surprising victory for Don Wildmon and his American Family Association.
Declaring that the content was 'inconsistent with who we are and what we stand for' T-mobile CEO Robert Dotson pulled the company's ads from the FX shows 'Rescue Me' and 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.' |
After Wildmon and his supporters allegedly bombarded Mr. Dotson's inbox to complain about T-Mobile's support for two FX shows-"Rescue Me" and "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" -- that they consider offensive, the CEO responded with a letter to the association. "I have personally taken the time to view some of the programs where we have run advertising," his note stated. "Candidly, some of the choices we have made are clearly inconsistent with who we are and what we stand for."
In the case of the two FX shows, the AFA has complained to advertisers supporting the programs that that the shows are "over the edge in sex, violence and profanity."
But Mr. Dotson's response is what makes this case unusual. With no warning and despite a lack of prior conversations with the group, Mr. Dotson sent a letter to the association July 20 promising changes.
"We are taking the following immediate actions," he wrote. "In addition to removing advertising from programs brought to our attention, effective immediately, we are pulling all advertising from the FX channel pending further review of their programming [and] I have directed my marketing and advertising leads to conduct a deeper review of our advertising standards to ensure that our selections are consistent with the qualities of T-Mobile's brand."
Even the American Family Association was surprised at the reaction. "This is extremely unusual, a first in a long, long time, where a major corporate CEO actually takes time to listen to concerns and makes a personal investment," said Randy Sharp, director of special projects and education.
...FEELING BITCHY.
Your brand doesn't need a blog that's edited by a bunch of marketers.
It also doesn't need a "clever" MySpace page that thanks loyal consumers for the "add."
It doesn't need a one-hour piece of branded content served up by some desperate cable network that is so desperate to sell time it will help pollute its own product by shilling yours.
It needs innovation, real innovation that people can feel something about.
Good night everybody.
July 24, 2006
MUST...LOOK...AWAY...YET...SOMEHOW...BOTH REPULSIVE....AND HYPNOTIC...AT SAME TIME...
YOU JUST KNOW HALLIBURTON'S BEHIND THIS SOMEHOW.
Diggerland - an amusement park where the whole family can ride in, and learn to drive and operate - construction equipment.
Don't believe me? http://www.diggerland.com/index.htm
TODAY'S EDITION OF "WHY THEY HATE US."
ANALOG MAKES ONE LAST STAND FOR RELEVANCE WITH DIGITAL.
Gentlemen - the USB enabled pencil sharpener.
Oh, that sound - that's Nathanial Hawthorne, rolling in his grave.
WHY NO BLOGGY?
Sorry, folks - I'm in Miami for the Account Planning Conference - so entries have been a bit slower than normal.
Howz the conference you ask? Well, stay tuned - and expect a rant or two about it later in the week.
Until then, I'll be updating the blog in-between breakout sessions.
July 21, 2006
SO, I FOUND THIS IMAGE....
of a keyboard tray so you can eat at your desk without hurting your precious computer.
It gives me a bit of pause - how far really have we come from the slave ship days?
GREETINGS FROM TAMPA.
And the surfin' is easy.
July 19, 2006
SORRY THE BLOG ENTRIES HAVE BEEN A BIT SLOW.
I'm in Camden County New Jersey.
Kickin it with my boy-eez.
TODAY'S MIDDLE EAST RELATIONS METAPHOR.
TODAY'S EDITION OF "THE CONSUMER REALLY IS IN CHARGE"
A shout out to Washington Mutual.
YEP, IT'S TIME FOR PUPPYWAR.
Think of it as "Hot or not" but for dogs.
It serves you up two pictures, you pick the best dog.
Here's a cur who appears to be off to quite a glorious start...
A NEW REASON THEY HATE US...
I give you...
Chardonay brittle.
GIVING THEM THE GLOBAL REACHAROUND.
So apparently, a McDonald's in Amsterdam had these urinals shaped like pairs of lips.
And an American tourist complained, so now they're taking them out.
That's crazy...I mean what are we going to do? Force them to bow to our cultural beliefs, invade their country, even though it's on another continent? Ignore their traditions and beliefs and use our might to...
Uh, never mind.
THE LOW...
Ladies and gentlemen, your Oklahoma City Sonics.
THE HIGH...
Ladies and gentlemen, the NBA champion Seattle Supersonics.
July 18, 2006
WOW...NOW THAT'S A MIDEAST POLICY.
"Hezbolla needs to stop doing this shit?"
Wow, nice work.
As always...idiot.
July 17, 2006
DID I MENTION I LOVE THE ONION?
A DUTCH COMPANY IS LETTING YOU EAT SUSPENDED IN THE SKY.
Now pigeon droppings are the least of your worries.
GOD, BUT I LOVE THE ONION.
July 14, 2006
BEST PRESS RELEASE...EVER.
For those of you in the ad community -- you'll know why.
NOW HERE'S AN INNOVATION WE DID NEED...
Why has it taken so long to get a propane tank that gives you an indiction how much gas is left in it?
GEE, I WONDER WHAT'S CAUSING THE OBESITY PROBLEM.
Someone's just invented the electric "self stirring coffeecup." Nope, not kidding.
See it at: http://www.boysstuff.co.uk/product.asp?id=13161&random=662304104&cid=29&subcat=scid
WE'VE GOT BIRD DISEASES RUNNING RAMPANT...
But somehow solving broken crayons is getting all the attention from our best inventing minds.
MARC JACOBS HAS A NEW SHIRT HE'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU.
From MarcJacobs.com. Thanks to Huffington Post for the find.
I'VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THIS...
But it's not the one you'd expect.
Here's my problem...Elmo's DAD?
OK - Elmo was first performed by the puppeteer Carrol Spinney in the early 70's - let's call it 1974.
The Elmo character was created to be a 3 1/2 year old.
Let's assume the gestation period for a monster is at least 6 months, shall we?
Assuming Elmo's Dad was a teenage father (let's say 14) -- that puts Elmo's Dad at 50 today.
Now what the hell's the military doing accepting people in their 50s for duty?
AAAAUUUUUURRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!
July 13, 2006
HEY, HERE'S A GREAT NEW SITE...
You enter your photo into it...and it uses software to find celebrities you look like...I'm going to try it out with my photo and see what happens. Stay tuned.
WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THIS GETS MADE?
No, I don't mean the technical aspects of filmmaking. I mean, who the hell greenlights this?
PLEASE - FOR THE LOVE OF GOD...STOP IT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE THIS...
But check it out.
MORE DEPRESSING THAN THE WALMART AND THE OBESITY MAP COMBINED.
MOVE ALONG...NOTHING TO SEE HERE.
July 12, 2006
BRILLIANT.
THIS IS BEGINNING TO TAKE BIGGER LEAPS THAN A SHAKESPEARIAN COMEDY.
From KHOH in Houston:
Former Houston Mayor Bob Lanier was rushed to the hospital after collapsing at the funeral of Enron founder Ken Lay Wednesday morning.
Two Houston police officers quickly moved to Lanier's side.
Once emergency crews arrived, Lanier was given oxygen and wheeled out of the church on a stretcher and into a waiting ambulance.
STEWART AND COLBERT RARELY BREAK CHARACTER...
...but when they do - it's comedy genius.
COLBERT GIVES IT TO STEPHEN HAWKING.
Someone get this man an Emmy.
NOW THIS IS WHAT THE WORLD NEEDED...
A daily critique of bad MySpace pages...
REMEMBER THAT "EVOLUTION OF WALMART" MAP I POSTED A FEW WEEKS AGO?
This is far, far more depressing.
July 10, 2006
I OBVIOUSLY NEED TO REACQUAINT MYSELF WITH THE RULES OF SOCCER.
I thought you could only touch your opponent's chest with your feet.
I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I MISSED THIS.
But thanks to deadspin. com for helping me find it.
From the LA Times:
The Lake Elsinore Storm has planned a salute to Tom Cruise tonight during its California League baseball game.
Besides giving away a Cruise bobblehead — make that a "bobble-couch," depicting the star in full Oprah couch-jumping mode — the San Diego Padres' Class-A affiliate will celebrate the "silent birth" of Tom and Katie Holmes' baby, Suri, with a "silent inning," during which no batters will be announced and no music played. "Silent birth," a Church of Scientology teaching, specifies no music and no talking during the birth.
I'VE NEVER REALLY BOUGHT INTO THE WHOLE "SIGNS OF THE APOCALYPSE" THING...
But I may be changing my position.
July 09, 2006
HERE'S A VIDEO PRODUCED BY SOMEONE WHO...
plays SIMS way too much.
And you know both players are probably men.
Get this video and more at MySpace.com
THE MOST HYPNOTIC THING YOU'RE GONNA SEE ALL DAY.
http://glamourkatherine.ytmnd.com/
Trust me.
SEEMED PARTICULARLY RELEVANT TO POST TODAY...
After I read the story that the people who've been arrested recently for "plotting the attacks" in NYC and Miami had no bombmaking materials, and no specific plans.
Welcome to 1984 -where we can get arrested for the things we say in public, and in chatrooms.
Orwell is spinning.
July 08, 2006
TOO MANY VISITS TO THE MAN BELOW...
...and you definitely need the world's first combination lounge chair and ab-exerciser.
MAYBE IT'S JUST ME AGAIN...
But do you think it's possible the marketing problems at KFC need a better fix than to revamp the founder's image yet again?
July 06, 2006
WOW, THE NY POST AND I FINALLY AGREE ON SOMETHING.
IT'S THE SIMPLE IDEAS THAT MATTER.
Rotating electrical plugs. An idea long overdue.
NICE LAUNCH GUYS.
By the way, I'd like to propose a new bumper sticker - "NASA engineers burn on re-entry."
I'M SERIOUS...I WANT TO SEE KENNETH LAY'S BODY ON DISPLAY.
It's been done before.
Until we all get a good gander at him on display, he's not dead.
HOPE YOU ALL HAD A GOOD FOURTH.
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE NEW XMEN MOVIE.
I'm not kidding - I found this on their website.
JUST ANOTHER DAY OF NEBRASKA CORNHUSKERS FOOTBALL.
July 05, 2006
YES, I KNOW I'M MORBID...
And yes, I know I'm a conspiracy freak.
But, if you think I'm trusting anything about this guy after the people he's billked...
I demand that the American people see the body.
GEE, WITH A MARGIN LIKE THAT...
You'd think we could get this done.
In fact, if they had a margin like that, the Republicans wouldn't even have to rig voting machines.
Alas.
JUST A SOLID COLLECTION OF HEADLINES...
from today's SeatteTimes.com.
July 03, 2006
I KNOW I'M RISKING IT...
What with the Mariners streaking and all...but let's turn to college basketball for a moment, shall we? The FOX Sports pre-season ratings are out and let's see - who's that at number 9?
9. Creighton: The Bluejays lost their leading scorer, Johnny Mathies, but Dana Altman's team will be much better with the return of Nate Funk — who missed all but six games with a shoulder injury and was granted a medical hardship to play this season. Funk averaged 17.8 points two years ago and is arguably the best player in the Missouri Valley Conference. Creighton was also without the services of guard Josh Dotzler, who made the Missouri Valley Conference all-freshman team, for the final seven games of the season. Altman will also have seniors Anthony Toliver (13.2 ppg, 6.7 rpg) and Nick Porter (9.5 ppg) back in the fold as well as 6-8 junior forward Dane Watts (7.3 ppg, 5.4 rpg).
Congrats to the Missouri Valley conference for placing 4 (4!) teams in the FOX Sports top 35....looks like it's going to be another breakout season!
PHONE CALLS, BANK ACCOUNTS, NOW BLOGS.
The Air Force Office of Scientific Research recently began funding
a new research area that includes a study of blogs.
By William J. Sharp / Air Force Office of Scientific Research Public Affairs
ARLINGTON, Va., June 29, 2006 – The Air Force Office of Scientific Research recently began funding a new research area that includes a study of blogs. Blog research may provide information analysts and warfighters with invaluable help in fighting the war on terrorism.
This is a great idea - destined to determine key information, like for some reason - hating Bush, being a Crieghton Bluejay fan, and writing about advertising seem to be linked.
July 02, 2006
JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU'VE SEEN THE ABSOLUTELY MOST MANIPULATIVE PHOTO OP EVER.
You run into something like this.
HERE'S A COOL LITTLE IDEA...
Generate your own Brazillian soccer name at:
http://www.minimalsworld.net/BrazilName/brazilian.shtml
WHY DO PEOPLE HATE ADVERTISING?
Gee - I don't know - maybe it's because of annoying, INTRUSIVE ideas like this ad on an airline tray table.
Stop it.
SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME FEEL REALLY OLD.
The members of KISS have opened up a coffee shop.
Laugh if you want, but it's better than the AC/DC incontinence clinic.
TODAY'S REASON THEY HATE US.
A line of plasma screens designed specifically for the bathroom.
Viva la mind control!
FOR MY MONEY...
The best Ze Frank show ever.